Sunday, December 27, 2015

Time to Say Goodbye - Homeward Bound




In my final blog of the year, I have opted to demonstrate my lack of film experience in showing this version of our new home.  We'll be heading a few miles south of Malta down to Clifton Park, where Jackie had her teens and 20s, or if you will, her life pre-me.

We've lived in Malta since 1/1/89 or 5 Presidents back (Reagan). From here we both did 50 mile a day travel to Albany and back, me from 1989 - 2010, Jackie from 1989 - 2014.  I stopped because I was offered early retirement and took it, as MS had begun to creep its evil self into me.  I might have stayed for a bit longer at DSS but the promotion I had hoped for was given to another, because management thought I was leaving due to illness but never actually asked me, which, since that's what they thought, who am I do judge their decision making abilities? So I worked in my yard, read a lot of books, did some writing, traveled, and got sicker.  So maybe it all worked out.  Even with seeing my old staff at various functions, I had trouble remembering names of people I had known for years.

In the last few years, night driving has been somewhat hazardous (on a foggy night, I just see things [dogs, people] that just are wisps of vapor, except to my brain) and will limit activities, as my wife also has problems driving at night.  It's not that we're stranded up here, but neighbors are distant, even though some are only 50 feet away.  Our nieces and nephew are no longer local, and we have little contact with other family.  Reality.

We are on our own.  And as I'm not getting any better, and I do not want Jackie
stuck in a house that's 30+ years old itself and needing its own rehab from the vagaries of time. So the move to the Condo just makes sense.  (In deep truth I saw my mother flail against the tides of death and financial ruin. Her last years were just sad, with a few bright moments, but totally brutalized by the death of my sister in 1991. Her bipolar disorder didn't help.)  I have done what I can to make sure that my wife will be in good shape financially when I'm no longer available.  A home, people around her (good friend support) and a decent income.

Everything else is up to her.

But I ain't gone yet.  Still I see my yard fading in what I can do for upkeep.  I have energy for only two worlds named Jackie and the novel.

What will I miss? The quiet. Also, since we've both lived in two story homes when younger and here in Malta in a one story town home.  First time for both of us to have "Somebody Upstairs".  At the Bentley, its just a different quiet, with a lot more old people wheezing.  I will miss my yard, but for the last few years what I would have done by May I'm now trying to finish in October.  Nice times sitting on our deck on a warm day, not a hot one. The bunny who visited every day munching on clover and I guess not feeling very skittish around us.

I will not miss the chipmunks and squirrels or the lugging of stuff around the yard finding that I could lift two bricks, and only two, move them barely ten feet and then having to sit for a half hour until trying to move the same two bricks.  You get it.  I work out twice a week, and what tiny muscles have come from that are no help at all.  I get winded just walking to the mailbox.

This is bordering on whining so I'll get out of here. We are venturing to the Final Frontier, and I'd be honored to tell you about it.

Thanks for the 14,000+ visits.


Sunday, December 20, 2015

Holiday Songs for Bipolars and Multiple Sclerosis Battlers

Jingle Bells

(Chorus]
Bi-polar, bipolar
Spell it as you may
A disease
that will not please
when sadness fills your day.

Dragged me to the mall
"See how nice and bright?"
People are so sad
anxiety and fright
Oh take me home right now
To my bed I fly
So silence please
I am diseased
Watched QVC
All night!

[Chorus]

And so I took my pills
and maybe took a bath
and through my flat I walked
through old clothes, kicked a path
I think I'm unemployed
but I don't really care
I am just fine
How 'bout more wine?
Soon be manic, don't despair!

We Four Kinds (We Three Kings)

We four kinds of bad MS are
Spines and brains we love to leave scars
Keep on cryin', MRI trying
There's no cure so far...

[Chorus]

Oh-oh Prednisone, Copaxone too
Veripred please help me through
Sad and tired
caffeine wired
I can pee but just can't poo

We remiss and then may come back
Pro-gressive, well that they'll just  track
Donate money
Don't get funny
Just serve us and then hit the sack.

[Chorus]

Walking still - hey you're doing well
Pain and meds a personal hell
Five years stumbling
Down the steps tumbling
Watching my feet and legs swell

[Chorus]